2/16/18

Tonight I am tired but grateful.

The wind can be harsh and can be gentle. Tonight it pushes my orange curtains towards me. I imagine an ancestor beckoning me. “Look here,” they say. Are they benevolent? I don’t know. I sure hope so. I look out the window in time to see a raccoon cross the street at a diagonal. It’s round body waddles gracefully. It seems not in a hurry and I afraid. Though it is night, the trains, creatures, and ancestors are alive. “Learn stillness.” That is what I am hearing all these live things say.

Gratitude List: 2/14/18

  1. My neighbor offered me a ride to the train station. Thanks to him I made it to work on time.
  2. Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May Gaskin is reminding me to not be afraid of my desire to do this work and to not be afraid of the work itself.
  3. I took a walk with my partner during break. The weather and company were lovely.
  4. Sharing a shower with a partner.
  5. Stretching.
  6. Being employed and able to pay my bills.
  7. A text from my sister.
  8. Honoring my grandfather’s birthday by acknowledging that though he was estranged, he was human and even in death is part of me.
  9. My partner reading this interview with Quincy Jones out loud. So much laughter and appreciation for this man’s character and legacy.
  10. The sleep that awaits me.

Word of the Day: 2/13/18

No.

A negation.

A refusal.

A spell.

No to the institutions we use to practice and legitimize our hate.

No to the rules and religions we use to throw each other away.

We are each other’s best things.

May our fury keep us warm.

May our indignation keep us steady.

May our tenderness move us onward.

To My Younger Selves

May she know her own boundaries and defend them with ease.

May she recover.

May she live with an open yet protected heart.

May she practice steadiness.

May she revere her mother and grandmother for all the good they taught her, brought her, made for and of her.

May she forgive them for all that they did not teach or bestow.

May she recognize friendship and guard it like a best thing.

May she enjoy childhood.

May her aloofness protect her.

May her good heart protect her.

May her knowing protect her.

May she always find her way back to tenderness.

Mist

Patchuli and Tap Water Mist.

I use this:

  • When my anxiety causes me to spiral.
  • When I need to slow down.
  • To ground.
  • To boost energy.
  • For resetting.
  • When my eczema flares up.
  • To smell something nice.
  • To cool off.
  • To feel clean.
  • To laugh.
  • To surge into tenderness with each droplet.

It is plant magic. It is water. It carries and transfers potential. So simple.

Gratitude List: 2/4/18

  • There is plenty birdsong despite my living in the city. Waking up to it eases my anxiety.
  • The sound of cars driving on the wet roads.
  • Talking with my grandmother this morning.
  • Listening to a voice message from my partner.
  • My body. It breathes and loves me even when I struggle to love it. Even when I get frustrated at how tired, itchy, achy, and round it gets. I wish to return its love.
  • Sleeping in socks.
  • Lying in bed.

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